Part 1: Resentment, A Slow Poison To The Heart
Unpacking Emotional Intelligence & Healing
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This is Part 1 of series on resentment. In Part 1: Resentment, A Slow Poison To The Heart, I will address emotional intelligence by unpacking the differences between emotions and feelings.
Part 1: Resentment, A Slow Poison To The Heart
Unpacking Emotional Intelligence
I grew up in an environment of resentment. It was not only in my familial relations, but in the tapestry of the culture. As an adult, I found and welcomed consciousness practices that invited me to better understand and untangle the way I had been in relationship with my emotions and wounding patterns through becoming responsible to my own healing. I became increasingly aware of the transparency woven in the fabric of “normalcy” driven by shame and resentment. Both are weighty emotions, and both require their own spotlight.
To begin, lets unpack the differences between Emotions and Feelings.
Emotions, or energy in motion, E-motion, are the emoting of an experience within our human psyche and body. They are controlled by chemicals our brain releases in response to a trigger or event—basically our body's response to whatever is happening around us. The chemicals go throughout our body, forming a feedback loop between our body and brain, creating emotion. In a way emotions are simply information or messengers, however, how we perceive them for ourselves and about others is another aspect of our experience all together. This is important to understand as we go on.
While emotions start as sensations in the body, like a signal, feelings are generated from our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves or others about those emotions. Or in other words, feelings are how we interpret emotions and process them. For instance, we can "feel cold" not only physically but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Feelings can be diluted or distorted by the stories we've unconsciously or consciously created based on past events or experiences.
According to his theory and the newly released book “The Totally Not Boring Book of Feelings,” psychologist Robert Plutchik says there are more than 34,000 emotions humans can experience. His book teaches children about 40 of them. Researchers at University of California, Berkeley identified 27 categories of emotions. Brene Brown, professor and researcher, most recent book, “Atlas of the Heart,” explores 87 human emotions and experiences. She asked over 7,000 people how many emotions they can identify. The research found that a typical human can identify just three emotions. Let that sink in for a moment.
Here is where this gets even more interesting.
According to research, most emotions naturally last around 90 seconds, as the chemical process triggered by an emotional event typically takes this long to fully flush out of the body. However, without conscious knowledge of the undercurrent of our emotions, people prolong their emotional experience by dwelling on the feeling or situation, creating story and etching a narrative into their mind and body around the emotional experience. This becomes stored in the warehouse of the body, often as a protection or coping mechanism for preparation of a next time a similar experience may happen. Without a safe space to learn, and we do need to learn, how to be with our emotions in a healthy and whole way, within an environment that fosters the exploration of emotional intelligence to build emotional maturity, coping narratives become a false sense of security to protect us, and for most, hinder us.
Emotional intelligence is not only the understanding of the spectrum of emotions we have but also the ability to know how to navigate the emotional reactions without letting them mutate, suppress, repress or dissociate into another form. The clinging (attachment), confusion (misconception) and/or pushing away (aversion) of an emotion through our story becomes harmful or poisonous, either quite quickly or very slowly overtime. The energy cycling, the narrative created, around the emotion seeps into every part of one’s being bringing about a distorted lens to themself, others and the world at large.
It can be helpful to look at the narrative or story we tell ourselves about the emotion like a pair of glasses we knowingly or unknowingly put on and thus, view life — ourselves and everything outside of us. The narrative can cloud our perception of what is present, of what is reality. For example, we can begin to hear others only through the filter of our narrative, almost looking for the danger. As the energetic pattern of our story continues to cycle, we begin to brace ourselves, especially around anyone who may show characteristics or behaviors from a previous experience where the origin of the painful emotion birthed.
Daniel Siegel explains it beautifully when he said,
“Our state of mind can turn even neutral comments into fighting words, distorting what we hear to fit what we fear. Inviting our thoughts and feelings into awareness allows us to learn from them rather than be driven by them."
I love that last part, “rather than be driven by them”, because it speaks to the shadow of ourselves. When we are guarded in this way, either knowingly or unknowingly, we can not see clearly. We are defensive, closed off, numb, and prone to escapism, which pulls us away from understanding anything outside of our narrative. The narrative then becomes not only a means to survive the pain of the emotion that was perhaps from long ago (it usually is), but also a self binding trap, holding us back from deep connection to not only others, but firstly to ourselves. A great amount of how we behave or even speak, and think, is unconscious. It is when we slow down and learn to feel safe in our bodies and minds, that we can truly understand how to listen and see our inner patterns of the pathway we have been upon in relation to our emotions and experiences.
As a Depth Hypnosis Practitioner, clarity on how to be in relationship with our emotions and our experiences is paramount to clearing blockages and hinderances within a person’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual body. In Depth Hypnosis, we understand that emotions are information to better understand a person’s patterning — the way in which they are cycling energy around their life force — and how to support the process of re-connection or retrieval to their inner guidance and wisdom to create balance within themselves. To do this, we need to first know how to be and feel ok, safe, sitting with ourselves, and the emotions we are avoiding. There is a delicate, sweet and compassionate nuance to this process. One that Depth Hypnosis deeply understands and respects.
Personally, it was in compounded loss that I realized the deeper layers of the emotions of shame, grief and rage within my energy system. Never having a place to explore them in my childhood that felt nurturing to do so, it was through much inner work in safe spaces with skilled practitioners that I was able to repattern, and unhook myself. I, like so many of my clients and you can too, was able to rewrite my story with the way I was in relationship with these emotions. This not only made my own life more peaceful and joyful, but has continued to offer me a wider reservoir of compassion and nurturing for others. Supporting others to unpack the emotional weight and gain their own understanding of their unique learning, living and loving in whole-hearted ways is an honor and deeply held part of my path of service. I would not be able to do what I do today without the lineage that lay before me. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to serve you.
This is Part 1 of Resentment, A Slow Poison To The Heart. In Part 2 I will dive into the emotion of resentment (also anger and blame) and how to work towards healing ourselves from its painful grip.
Read Part 2: Resentment, A Slow Poison To The Heart
If you would like to learn more about Depth Hypnosis, I offer 20 minute complimentary calls to all new potential clients. This is a great way to connect about Depth Hypnosis, Applied Shamanic Counseling and Spiritual Counseling.
In addition, my mentor and elder, the pioneer of Depth Hypnosis, Isa Gucciardi, has released her latest book, her third book called, “Depth Hypnosis: A Path to Healing, Power, and Transformation” available to purchase HERE. This is a beautiful overview of the method of therapy, along with her own personal case studies of nearly 30 years of working with clients all over the world.
Thank you for reading Kristina Renée x Medicine for the Soul, and allowing me the opportunity to serve you. If you know others who would benefit from reading this, please don't keep it to yourself - spread the word! You may click the “heart” button, leave a comment or restack so more people can discover whole-hearted, loving, learning and living in action.
Take care of you.
Take care of one another.
Much Love,
Kristina Renée