A Spiritual Perspective On Co-dependency & How To Move Into Interdependency
Self-inquiry prompts & Opportunities
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Each of us have our own very unique life force. Often unknowingly, energetic aspects, parts and traits of others enter our field and we take them on as our own. These exchanges can happen anytime in our life and usually unconsciously, which creates clutter, debris and an imbalance to the connection of our very own life energy — our personal agency. From the lineage of spiritual counseling, the way in which we function is often driven by these foreign parts, energies or entities, rippling outward into all of our relations. These interferences lead to and further any existing miscommunications, attachments and aversions, enforcing and/or reinforcing harmful habits, behaviors, thought forms, and suffering in our inner world and thus, our outer world. Relationships enmeshed or co-dependent, from a spiritual perspective, are usually glued tightly together with interferences.
So, how do we unbind ourselves and move from enmeshed and co-dependent relating to interdependent?
I think to best answer this, we need some foundations from the spiritual lens of interferences. Let’s begin with Energetic Interferences (EI’s). There are many explanations for EI’s. I like to describe an EI best as an unprocessed or incomplete cycle of energy that has become a part of someone. Another definition of an EI is characterized by a person becoming affected and even overcome by energy which is not innate to them. In shamanic terms, EI’s refer to a possessing entity or energy that does not have a definable physical body who is in need of healing. Often the energy or entity is residing within or around the energetic and/or physical body of a person.
Please note, understanding, identifying and healing interferences does not mean that the person is not responsible for the actions or patterns of themselves. In fact, the ability to gain knowledge of any energetic interferences and reclaim one’s life force is a great act of personal responsibility. More on this later.
Another aspect of interferences from the weavings of psychology, parts work and shamanism is Soul Part Exchange and Introjects. Either knowingly but often unknowingly there can be an exchange of energetic parts with another person, and between people. Soul part exchange is when we take on someone else’s energetic signature or parts (e.g. a strong inner critic, traits, characteristics, beliefs) and/or we give away or someone takes an energetic part or signature of us. Again, much of this occurs in the subconscious realms in our relationships.
In some ways we can look at soul part exchange as an agreement or bond between people. This is usually unconscious, but sometimes conscious. Often relationships swirling in the sticky web of enmeshments and co-dependency are woven together with interferences such as soul part exchange. In my professional work, I hold the ground for many soul part exchanges. It is a great need for healing the nervous system and the soul. It supports everyone involved. When parts or energetic signatures are being held by someone else, or we hold other’s part or energetic signatures, the ability for healing is stifled, and thus, having full personal agency for ourselves is hindered.
In psychology, introjection is the unconscious adoption or overrun thoughts or personality traits of others. This happens frequently in a parent-child relationship, or in a close romantic or working relationship. For example, a child is bullied and then unconsciously takes on the actions of bullying to avoid the pain. Another example, a child is yelled at by a parent regularly and then unconsciously takes on the same actions of yelling at others or at themselves (self blame) to avoid the pain. One could say that soul part exchange and introject are similar, if not perhaps the same. Of course this is all dependent on the situation and the person.
EI’s, soul part exchange and interjects can occur any time we experience a disconnection to ourselves, also known as trauma or power loss or soul loss. This can happen through strong emotions without having support (shock, shame, fear, isolation, etc), any repeated abuse, suicidal ideation, drug or alcohol abuse, and so on. It is less about the event of the big or small trauma and more about how you processed the event. An important aspect when understanding and discovering energetic interferences is the underlying patterns cycling within the nervous system and energy body of the person. Are the cycles complete or incomplete? The answer to that question is often revealed in the presenting issue and compassionate insight inquiry.
My mentor and elder, Isa Gucciardi says,
“When someone is struggling, checking out, and/or unconscious, that is a part of themselves that is separated and they are just trying to get back and not sure how.”
Uncovering and clearing EI’s, introjects and soul part exchanges that contribute to a presenting issue can and often support the process of dissolving and restructuring harmful karmic patterns. As the patterns re-align to one’s life energy and highest good, it offers more flexibility and spaciousness for a person to live in right relationship to and in their own personal agency on every level of their being, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. Thus, freeing a person to learn how to create interdependent relationships rather than relating from co-dependency and enmeshment, also known as trauma bonding.
Most of us haven’t experienced healthy interdependent relationships, so knowing what that looks like, feels like, or even how to let that in can feel foreign and unfamiliar.
It is a great act of kindness to ourselves and to others to become aware of any withholdings we may have of some one else, and not only return parts but also reclaim our own soul parts back — to bring them home to our whole being, again. And for those wondering, yes, this process can be done with or without the other person present, or even alive. As we bring consciousness to the unseen parts of ourselves, we can learn how to move in life from a clear vessel. As we gain a deeper relationship and understanding to our own true nature and innate wisdom, it offers us courage to speak, and walk in the world from our authenticity.
It is a valiant action to uncover your shadow, the unknown aspects of you and take responsibility for what is yours and release what is not yours. Living in right relationship is knowing our true Self, unhinging from the interplay of the dynamics of co-dependency and enmeshment. This work is a dedication and commitment to self care, to reclaim your agency and life force, calling back into your field your whole-heartedness. From this place you can re-learn how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, step further onto the path of accountability and welcome wholeheartedly your highest good with more ease and inner peace.
Caroline Myss says,
“Exposure to truth changes your life, period. Whether that truth is a revelation about personal honesty and integrity or a divine revelation that reorganizes your place in the Universe. This is why most people run from truth rather than toward it.”
To transmute and change patterns is no easy task for any of us. I am a spiritual counseling practitioner who is continually shown beautiful souls who have become disconnected from their inner resources and tools within themselves. As I support people to unravel and remember who they really are under the conditioning, coping mechanisms, energetic interferences, soul part exchanges and patterns, I am shown radiant beings who have become lost to feel and to know what safe is. As they rekindle within themselves, they become guided from their own inner wisdom, etching forward onto the brave steps towards personal accountability for themselves, and with the world at large.
While it is possible to find small and even big “aha’s of healing in our relationships — indeed this is often how we learn that we have unresolved wounds in the first place — having a supportive and cleared space, a sacred space, with a skilled practitioner to further our very own comprehension of these self healing methods is paramount in our transformation. Working with an established and trained practitioner offers a soft landing pad. Wherein, the practitioner holds the the container to facilitate a healthy bridge for you to move through, know and understand the methods of releasing and alchemising interferences of energy, to find inner peace with parts work, reclaim your personal power, and unwind karmic and generational patterns.
Ultimately, the practice is to support the re-weaving of one’s energy field so they are coherent on an energetic level. Each of us has an innate and unique energetic footprint that when we learn how to access and allow for its full expression, we understand how to live in interdependent relationships within ourselves and with others.
Truly, our self healing is community healing.
Self-Inquiry
With these insight inquiry prompts, witness your relationships. May these prompts offer support to your own alchemical movement for understanding and healing.
What relationships do you feel you cannot speak your truth, and share your real feelings? How come? What would happen if you did? What impact does this have on you?
What aversions do you notice within yourself with your close relationships, maybe about the relationship or the person? Looking back, where else has this aversion shown up for you in your relationships and in your life?
What relationships might a “tit for tat” dynamic exists in your life — “if I do this, then they do that” without clear communication between you and the other? Where there has been an unspoken commitment made to keep the relationship. When you think about this dynamic, how does it effect you? If you were to speak about it with the other person how would it be received? What impact does this have on you?
Thank you for being here.
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Take care of you.
Take care of one another.
Much Love,
Kristina Renée
